Resolutions
I must admit, as a New Year's entry, this one is rather belated. And as an entry in general, it is extraordinarily, embarrassingly so, for which I have no legitimate excuse. Once upon a time, I might have remedied this failing with the old English major standby: when your central argument leaves something to be desired, dazzle your readers with inventive and obscure verbiage until they are too dazed to know a hawk from a handsaw. But alas! In spite of the allusions to Ms. Rowling and Master Shakespeare, I am not as I have been. Haven't you heard? I'm a science person now, and so it must suffice to diagnose (quite clinically) that I have been unable and/or unwilling to update until the present moment.
I have a tumultuous relationship with resolutions. I never keep them, but neither can I entirely dismiss them from my mind, so my own inadequacy nags at me incessantly, forcing me into that spiral of self-loathing from which I am only given temporary respite by the arrival of the new New Year's. I have come up with many innovative ways to extricate myself from the vicious cycle - for example, by resolving to no longer make resolutions - yet I find myself here again, as ever.
The key to resolutions must be to alternate between costly dinners and free lunches. Challenging resolutions are for the superior spirit in each of us - ambition, aspiration, accomplishment and all that; freebies are for the lackadaisical insomniac student with two majors, three lab classes, and a reading list that includes four of the longest novels in the English language. So with that in mind, and without further adieu, this year I resolve to:
- Let my hair down more often. Not figuratively, you fools, but literally! Contrary to popular opinion, I don't need to relax, merely to conserve my hair ties.
- Get in touch with the aggressive half of my passive-aggressive personality. The next time someone harasses me with religion or fundraising on campus, I will politely assert my. . . disinclination to listen. And by "politely," I mean that I will not raise my voice, since venom drips quite as well from whispers. I will contest the many idiots in my discussion sections. I will not base my actions on how I think they will be perceived, which brings me to my next resolution:
- Refrain from actively making people think that I am nice, as I am not. I think the trouble here stems from my innate sense of tact. I have always considered it a vital quality, but I begin to think that too much tact is as distasteful as that much bluntness. So I will try to err on the side of offending as many people as possible.
- Stray out of my comfort zone, do the unexpected. Maybe I'll do my laundry on Saturday nights instead of Fridays! Do my chemistry homework in pen! Dare I try the pepperjack in lieu of the provolone?!
- Update my blog more frequently, if only to avoid bloated entries such as this one in the future.